I'm trying this writing thing. Ernest says write the truest thing you know. The truest thing I know...the truest thing I know is that at the this moment I am not at peace with myself. I know I want to. I want to come to peace. And I want my life and the interactions I have with people to mean something. I want to share my experiences to maybe help somebody who feels as shitty as I often have. Recently, I have picked up the beautiful habit of waking up and asking God, my mom and, on occasion, a psychiatrist "What's the point?". I have considered suicide. But do I really want to die?No, but I wish that I could take a pill, a pill that will allow me to sleep and when I'm old I can wake up. A pill to evade the pain and haste of life. But that's the same thing as being dead. And living the way society or your mom and dad and friends and neighbors expect...that's living dead too. I don't want to live dead. And I don't want my life to be for nought.   I'm not a buddhist but the chubby man says "Your work is to discover the world then with all your heart give yourself to it". How inspiring is that? And instead of hanging myself, I think that is the rope I will cling to this year.